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自​害​し​た​い

by Corvid Canine

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1.
Flesh Chains 01:24
Peel away by bloody strip One by one they fall Flay with guilt Quiet paint silently drips One by one it pulls Flesh drops as meal for dogs Less of me to carry A game for preservation of gawking eyes My heart leaks desire to rip them from their sockets Fill the laughter with their own fingers Inward directed, wrathful blade Ripping flesh from bone becomes a cage for beasts
2.
Flat circle wheeling forward and repeating in conjunction Pointless purgatory Lessons learned reduce to nothing Again, again もう一度 いつまでも ずっと ずっと ずっと ずっと後にんだ。
3.
All comes and goes forward At times glancing backwards But for a moment 懐かしな? ずっとへ行くんだ。 ありがとう。 The final notes reverberate As the musicians bow 弾きたいんが真実にはしおれているんだよ。 みんなさん、ありがとう
4.
I’m so happy, I want to kill myself Write a suicide note with your entrails My heart sinks low with the weight of the world All I can do under this burden is soar Doctor come quick The pills all stopped working Strobe light effect I explode back together Terminal velocity headlong to the earth The breaks are cut
5.
In the fog of failure So clear are the truths I knew When eyes fail Introspection sheds the veil The sun sets quiet Still on the horizon Apathetic as the hands of chaos Foreshadow and mimic the comic tragedy Thanatos murders Eros To swallow himself in hunger Footsteps to the path of peace Led me to the altar of death Ceremonial blade Lead melody of the Aria Bored lone voyeur Chaos Spare your whims and spare an encore
6.
Everything I almost missed Were ultimately blessings I stole from someone more deserving The moments I shared in love Better to have gone to another As with those I shared them with Would have had a greater joy All I had to give Drained away as a lake in drought But a few puddles left Swimming with parasites A pool that should not have been spared The merciful act it sought to fulfill Returning to the earth before becoming a hole of filth
7.
自害したい しかし怖い 明日は心細いんだ この時僕はしなければならない。
8.
Reward 01:03
never meant to live useless and pathetic all strength summoned amounts to ash grasping the rope using all left within me what i deserve hang me from my failures leave the corpse for scavengers

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released September 26, 2018

Reflections on regret, self loathing, and a fragile will to live.

The musical scales and time signatures were all determined using dice.

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